Nightingale's Place

I hope everyone is having lots to eat. : )

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse?


Hello LJ-land.

I miss my friends. Kitty, Rachel, Mike, Elroy. Ollie. Vyviane. Raven. Annie. Meredith, Lauren.. lol. All of you.

Feeling isolated lately. The stress of the last 8 months is bleeding away a little at a time, and now I look around and take stock and I miss people. I get online at night after work, and there's twenty screen names on my friendslist who never talk to me anymore, because I haven't been around to talk to.

Not sure what to say to everyone. Not sure anyone really feels the lack of my presence, especially eight months later. Everyone has lives of their own, and I've been so wrapped up in trying to survive MINE that I wasn't there for people unless they reached out and asked me to be there.

I miss coming home and hearing about your days and being able to talk to you, even if it wasn't all the time or even very regular. I can't apologize for being competely freaked out and beyond stressed for the last eight months or so, but I wish I'd been able to hang on to you all better.

I miss being part of your lives, and vice versa, if only by e-connections. I have friends, here, of course, but I miss you guys too.

I probably wont be AIMing anyone out of the blue. Feels kinda awkward. But I'm around, and I'm here, and hopefully you'll be hearing more from me. You know, if you want to.

Happy Holidays.

So... jobness.

Job is going mostly well. There is an HR Issue going on, but it's not affecting my relationships with my co-workers (which are awesome) or my job (which is awesomeness incarnate). I make between 800-1000 a month after taxes, which is ... paltry, I know, but the job itself is not very stressful and I find myself very easily writing again. Maybe I can finally PUBLISH the damn book and make a couple hundred a month off of the proceeds.

The stress comes from two places -- the HR Issue and my Landlord.

The HR Lady apparently found out that I am gay. This has caused her to go a bit nutso. She will not let me use the bathroom with the other women anymore because she believes there is a potential liability issue in which some other female employee could say I assaulted them in the bathroom.

Yeah.

No, I get it. It's stupid. Yes. Really. Yeah.

And hello, insulting much?

So there is stress going around there. I'm trying to talk sense into her and she's being difficult. More on that later.

---

Stress Two comes from the landlord, who is apparently aware now that I have a job because after 6 months of no word he has demanded all the back due rent immediately. That's 870 dollars, which ... comes to about 2 months worth of rent anywhere else, but is 6 months in my crappy trailer park. I can pay him 145 on tuesday. hehe.

Anyway, he's threatening legal action. I have no idea what that means exactly, but it could very well mean I'm going to get evicted soon. SO. I have placed roommate ads all over the area and am talking to three people now about possible situations. I'm torn. Part of me really wants to just flip the landlord the bird and dump this crappy falling apart piece of crap trailer on him and take off for greener pastures. But ... that would almost triple my rent, and that would make it MUCH harder to make a living and save any kind of money. I've offered the landlord a 4 month payment plan to get me all caught up and pay him 145 every two weeks, but he hasn't replied. I'll try to give him 145 tomorrow (if I can see him in person, anyway. He's a bit elusive) and request that he let me know whether he's interested in the payment plan or just wants me gone. If he just wants me gone, then I'll go and he can sit on his hands until I can come up with the rest of what I owe him.

I'm trying to be around more often -- Kitty, Elroy, Rachel, Lauren, everyone -- so if you see me on AIM say hey! I miss you. But the whole stress thing is kinda making me feel very tired and very unhappy and somewhat lethargic. I mean, it's possible the whole rent thing could blow over -- he's not known for being very proactive -- but it's possible it might not too, and I'm just ... tired of being stressed all the time. : )

*hugs the Kitty!* Talk at me soon.

PS -- To my Anonymous Commenter... ( Read more... )

I've been holding back from posting this for ... some reason. Maybe because I didn't want to jinx myself. Did not want to get my hopes too high, or some such. Any way... I have a job. I started yesterday and worked 6 and a half hours at the grocery store Harris Teeter. Well, trained for that long. It's the first I've worked in 5 months that wasn't a one-off day of work for some nice person who had money to spare, and I'm going back in there in 2 and a half hours.

I'm not out of the woods yet, though. My water is scheduled to be turned off tomorrow for 145.14 in back water bills that I haven't had the money to pay. I wont have the money to turn it back on until around the 18th (my second paycheck.) Not sure how I'll be getting by without running water for the next three weeks, but I suppose I'll figure something out.

To everyone who has been supportive the last several months, thank you. Keep hoping for me, hope that this job works out, that I figure out how to get a hold of the water people (I cannot find their phone number ANYWHERE) and postpone, that my life gets back to a semblence of normal. : )

<3 you all

It just pours and pours and pours.

I'm 28 now, and in 7 days or less my power will be shut off because I can't pay it. In a couple weeks I'm sure to be evicted. I can't pay because I'm still unemployed. I've been trying to find work -- ANY WORK -- for 3 months (And I mean, seriously trying calling people out of the phone book) and I haven't had any luck.

I'm just ... I'm at the begging stage. I can't buy soap, shampoo, shaving creme, razors, or conditioner anymore. I don't have matches for my candles, and only one candle. I can't buy any new clothes to go to interviews with. I can't come up with the 65 dollars for my power bill.

If you can help me through this time at all, in any way, -- cash, shampoo, (I have foodstamps, so I'm good on food), a place to stay, I would deeply appreciate it. If you can, let me know where to e-mail you and I'll give you my home address. If you can't, don't worry about it. I'm sure you would if you could.

Heartbreak.

First off -- thank you to everyone to responded to my last, very desperate post. Your encouragement has meant much to me.

I'm not feeling so desperate any more. I am still at Square 1.5, but I'm still apping and I'm reaching out to GLB support groups in the area to see if anyone has experience in finding a job in an area where being 'different' often means 'sinful' in the eyes of many. If I absolutely have to I have at least 3 more weeks before I have to pay my phone bill again, and probably another 2 and a half after that before the power bill comes due again (at which point I'm finally strapped), and if I can get canned foods or get food stamps working and come up with a mediocre amount of cash (still trying to sell the Xbox for a reasonable price) for personal items (shampoo, conditioner, body wash, razor blades, deodorant, etc) I can probably keep pushing through the next 5 weeks.

I really dislike doing this, but until I get a job I'm more or less still stuck. I still have the temp agencies, but temping is only a stop-gap measure at best. I need security. I need to know I will have a paycheck of X number of dollars at the end of the week so that I can SAVE and pay bills and do all the things I need to do without having to worry about "Can I afford to pay for food?" Maybe Temping + Foodstamps will be a workable option for a while. And then there's Goodwill for clothing. I've become my parents. lol.

I'm trying to stay 'up.' I'm trying to get this book finished, I'm trying to hold on to hope. I'm trying to believe that someone in this town can see past the "OMGLESBO" to see someone who is bright and smart and dedicated and driven who WANTS to work. Someone who wants more than a handout.

Everyone who has seen my Resume LOVES it. The only constructive criticism I've received was "is it maybe too long?" (<3)

There's no realistic reason why people should NOT be hiring me. I'm just trying to come up with ideas as to how to get them to do so. : )

I'm sorry I've been such a flaky friend lately. I know I've had my head up my own problems so bad. Please -- I am here. I do care. I do listen and read what you write. I'm sorry that I'm not very visible online right now, but ... I'm still here. And I'll try to make more of an effort to be HERE in person.

Thanks for being my friends. Thanks for caring. Thanks to Marcy and Katya and Rachel and Dani and Charlotte and Elroy and Chris and everyone for listening to me.

I love you all.

Job Search is not going well. There may be some issues with either discrimination or blacklisting from my former employers because when people get my resumes or speak to my in screening interviews or over the phone, they are enthusiastic, even excited about my interest in working for them, and then ... they just stop calling, writing, e-mailing, and I cannot get back in touch. Follow-up e-mails go unanswered, follow-up phone calls meet voice mail and are never returned.

I was supposed to be receiving a phone call today from one prospective Job, and they never called. I called them, which took some work to get the right number, and left a message -- they never called back.

I am supposed to be calling another job, but every time I call her, she is out of office or on the phone and I leave phone messages that are never returned.

Between both of those problems, I've wasted almost an entire job search day waiting for the phone to ring and trying to call this other job and never getting through.

This is very frustrating. If I'm just being discriminated against, I would really rather have someone just come out and say "your orientation is not hirable here," so that I can stop plying people with phone calls in the hope that they're just behind on the hiring process.

If it's blacklisting, if my former employers are calling me names and lying about me behind my back because I quit after three and a half years, I wish someone would have the guts to say "So is what Clientlogic says about you true??"

This is a bit ... hard for me to get my head around sometime. I've been working pretty solidly since I hit 19, and I've always been able (before coming out) to find jobs. No fuss, no muss, not much effort required. I Show up, I smile pretty, I turn in an application and resume, they're impressed, they call my references, I have a job. That's always been the way it's been for me -- until now. And the thing that's so hard to wrap my head around is... well for nine years, I've been working. All I had to do was make an honest effort at something -- do my best -- and it was recognized and I was praised, valued, and treasured as an employee. But I don't think there's much more that I can do right now to find a job, I've put in countless hours of effort, and I may effectively still be at step ONE. Part of my brain keeps questioning this fruitlessness and saying "Wait, this isn't how it's supposed to work..."

What really pisses me off? The first company I interviewed with a MONTH ago is STILL RECRUITING. I gave them a stellar resume! They loved it! I gave them references! We had a fantastic interview, I thought we had real RAPPORT!

... and nothing. No response to any attempts to contact them. (And there were many, all very polite, all very well spaced to allow people time to respond to me at their leisure.) NOTHING.

I don't understand. I know I'm a good employee, and an even better one if you give any kind of a crap about me whatsoever. Why is this so hard?

Anyway...that's where I've been. I'm been job hunting. I've been resume-ing. I've been calling people back. I've been walking and riding to interviews. I've been combing the internet and the phone book for opportunities. Today I had 3 interviews scheduled (two by phone for full time, high paying positions) and one in person (part time, low pay) and I had to cancel one because I couldn't make it there and the other two never called/were unavailable.

COMPLETE WASTE of time. Time I don't have to waste. I'm ... angry and frustrated and hurt and stressed and scared. I don't want to go back to sleeping on the street. I don't want to have to wash up in public bathrooms. I'm... terrified.

And I'm angry. I'm angry at Clientlogic for being such a crappy place to work. I'm angry that there's a chance I wont find a job and will be homeless again, because that means that Clientlogic won, that they can really just grind people down into miserable sacks of IHATEMYSELF and trap people that way because you can't get a job afterwards. I hate it.

Anyway... I'm done ranting now.

If there is anyone out there that can help in some way -- if you have canned food or soap or shampoo you never use... if you know of anyone in the area who is hiring, if you could give me any leads... if you could spare some cash so I can keep the power going and buy some time for another few weeks... anything... even just moral support... I hate doing this, but I have to ask. I don't have many other options left. I don't have family I can ask for this kind of help. Please don't think less of me -- I have to ask. Even if you say no, I have to ask, cause not asking would just be ... stupid. If anyone wants to buy I have a barely-used X-box with the DVD player attachment + remote, a 19 inch TV that is about 2 years old.... ummm... a microwave and mini-fridge... Just let me know.

I want to be bereaved.

I just watched a video -- it doesn't matter what it was, really -- and a man in his... fifties... was dying. He was on life support, and was terminal with only a few days to live. The family decided to let him go.

The part that captivated me was when the wife reached over, kissed her dying and unconcious husband on the forehead and put her arms around him.

This was a woman who knew she would never hear her husband's voice again, or hear him laugh again, or see him smile again. And she wasn't railing at fate or bawling into the rafters. You could look at her and think to yourself that she was thanking him. For... however many years of life spent together. You looked at her, seeing her say goodbye, and you could imagine she was reliving all those years in a moment, and saying goodbye.

I don't want any future spouse of mine to die attached to IV units, or to suffer in unconcious misery... but I want to be bereaved. Someday... I want to be the woman bowing her head and kissing the forehead of someone she loves with all her heart, someone she has spent her 'life' with, thanking (well, in my case, 'her') for it all.

I want to have had the time to give thanks for.

Is that perverse?

Pray for me.

I've had one really good interview so far -- Rainbow Wedding Network replied to my e-mailed resume and were VERY interested in me. I was the first of ... eight? people they interviewed for their opening, and I sent them my references this week. No word back from the interview yet, but I'm not supposed to hear about a second interview until after this week, SO... any time in the next 3-4 days I hopefully will hear about a second interview.

Other than that, no one has replied to by resumes. Yet. I'm still apping, new jobs pop up on the Classifieds every day, but I'm kinda determined to get a job by the END of the month. Period. Do not pass go, do not collect 200... I don't want this search to carry over to next month, because by that point, I'm pretty much financially crippled.

Prayers, wishes, and hopes are definitely welcome.

Love to everyone.

PS. I have the coolest girlfriend in the world. ;-)

It may sound silly to note it, but I've had jet black hair for about three years now. This is a significant change for me. I took the advice of the fabulous Rachel and the amazing Katya and switched my hair color to a really, really dark brown. I'm not really sure what color they call it now because it's a bit darker than the box color is supposed to be, but it's really dark, and really brown.

I miss Charlotte. She moved to Florida sans monitor. I bought her one, so that she could get online and talk to me again, but it hasn't arrived yet, and it's been nearly a month and a half now. It's ridiculous. I want my money back. Just send her the money to buy one herself...

I started a new guild in WoW. Yeah, I'm a geekette.

I need to do some tags tonight before I pass out.

I sent my girlfriend an e-card at five am last night because I woke up for absolutelynoreasonatall and had the strange idea to do it. I have a lot of strange ideas, it seems. I picture her getting it and saying "...dork."

I'm going to be on a final written warning for my attendance. No, it's not anything related to anything recent, it's long over due from like... January. It's not a big deal, but they have to do it by the book and I have to sign the peice of paper that says that yes I understand that I was late too many times. Punctuality is an issue for me. It has always been. I've fixed it, largely, since the disaster I was when I first moved out on my own, but when I feel sick a lot or reallyreallyhatemyjob I find myself battling upstream to do what comes naturally to me at other times. It makes me feel like a bad person that I don't care more about my job, but I just don't. I must intensify the job search, because I've discovered that I am actually very picky about what I get right now.

Oh, Dani was offered two jobs this week. :-D She was ecstatic. I am proud of her. She rocks.

Someone needs to geek out on Grey's Anatomy for me. Yeah, I know. I fell in love with another TV show. But everyone I know is getting into new shows already, and I just discovered Grey's! Stop! Come back. Not done geeking yet!

I need to lose weight. I do not like being pudgy like this. I wanna wear skirts and heels and slim fitting flowy tops this spring/summer/fall. I need to buy a trampoline so I can jog indoors while I watch TV and listen to music. Oh, and my DVD player is bustedo. Must buy a new one when I have money. Hah.

Kat and Grey are dueling on rooftops, throwing balls of magic energy at each other and I have a montage of various hero/superhero training sequences from movies and tv shows going off in my head. Also, Kat is trying to explain to the police that she's a superbeing and that if she feels like she has to swoop in and save the day, she's gonna do it. And there's a number of dark, Gregorian chant chords sounding in the back of my head as Kat goes to confront Thanatos, and no one but Charlotte has any idea what any of that means because no one has read book yet, but! ... someday! I will... there will be a thing.

Yeah... hrm.

I want Elroy to know how much he rocks and how much I like being his friend but I keep messing it up, and there's hurt feelings. I lack the gift of gab?

There need to be wine racks in my house. And sculptures. And paintings. And throw rugs. And lavish dinners. And company! There needs to be company, in my home, drinking my wine, eating my ice cream, enjoying my pie, and watching stuff with me. :)

I have a half-formed story idea in my head that I wanted to write for Angel and Sam. A graveyard, snow, Angel lying on the ground and talking to the falling flakes under a thundering sky and framed by a skyline of broken and crumbling 20th century skyscrapers.

Would anyone read a Buffy/Angel fic if I wrote one? :-D HUH? Yes!

Bed time!

She's intelligent and insightful and bright and determined and stubborn and brilliant and curious and passionate and geeky and sweet and sarcastic and teasing and serious and laughing and cute and focused and admirable and I ... totally love her. I do. She's... amazing. And I am so very happy. Happy. I am.

...and I'm totally embarrasing her right now. Watch!

I love you, Dani.

Do I just suck at this LJ rp thing? Am I just ... missing the boat? I've been wondering for a while, but I'm just kinda arrrrgghh right now because none of the active tags that any of my lj-posting characters are in seem to be able to build any momentum. Someone posts, someone replies 3 days later and by then the energy is gone and the next response is three days later, and then five days and then seven and then... this isn't directed at anyone particularly, and I know some of you are INSANELY busy, but it's not any ONE person or tag. It's ... all of them. None of my tags seem to be moving at anything resembling a hopping pace anymore, and some of the people I tag with are involved in other tags and or games that move along at a fairly decent click, so... I have to wonder -- what am I doing wrong? Am I boring, uninspiring, overly-dominant... I mean, I'm a writer. And I can't get anyone to respond to my writing at a... normal pace. It's a bit disheartening, and frustrating. So, Grump.

(This doesn't apply to Rachel because she is INSANELY busy. It doesn't really apply to anyone in particular, it's just a general feeling so please don't take it to mean that I mean, YOU, personally, suck... if you sucked I wouldn't play with you at all, cause I'm picky and snobby. I'm just frustrated and venting because none of my tags are moving and I feel frustrated because it's happenning to all of them and I dunno why.)

I've seen them. I love them. I'm totally swamped the last few days. I promise and look forward to tagging them tonight. Please forebear. I love these tags.

I'm a very happy girl who is very much in love. :) This is a good year for Valentine's Day.

mmmm. I love old sonnets. :)

Kisses are sweetest under covering hair,
And whispers in its woven twilight best;
As flowery boughs above the chirping nest
Make sweet and sacred all the darkened air
Wherein abide the soft-secluded pair,
And know in the warm fragrance where they rest
The small heart beating in the downy breast
Each of its mate:--a Paradise they share.
This is a longing of the human heart
After that dream, an Eden all for two,
Some lonely island 'mid the ocean's blue
Where Love may sport, and laugh, and kiss apart.
Therefore it was a moment past I drew
Thine hair about mine eyes, Eve that thou art.

"Evelyn Douglas"

A - Artsy
B - Bright
C - Creative
D - Dominant
E - Earnest
F - Friendly
G - Goofy
H - HUNGRY
I - Independant
J - Journeyed
K - Kinky
L - Lesbian
M - Mellow
N - Nice
O - Open
P - Poor
Q - Queer!
R - Romantic
S - Sensual
T - Tall
U - Unusual
V - Vivacious
W - Wunderkind
X - can't think of a good x-word.
Y - Yearning
Z - Zany

I tag Danielle, Katya, Rachel, Mike, Devon, Lauren

Alright, so ... I'm going to try and break pattern and do an 'up' post for a change. I don't like the recent negativity in my journalling. I think being sick so much recently has thrown my mood for a loop a little, which is odd, because there's so many something-wonderfuls in my life right now that I love and adore. There's love in my life, I have wonderful friends, I'm getting ready to change jobs, I'm (when I'm not writer's blocking) nearing the end of a book, and happy.

When I joined livejournal a couple years ago, I was thrilled because I started meeting so many amazing and incredible people. It was pleasant and fun to read their journals and know what was going on in their lives and share what was going on in mine. Most of the people I talk to on the internet now are people I met through livejournal. It's a great place. I've met a few people off of lj, I've got some enduring net-pen-pals that I hope to hang on to for a long time to come -- good things.

Sadly, at least for me, the downside to the livejournal equation is that LJ isn't 'real life ' to a lot of people. For most people, there's a big seperation between people they meet and talk to 'in real life' and the people they know or talk to online. I mean, I get that. Most people are that way and to most people, conversations and company online will never equal those in person. Reading someone's livejournal is a bit like peering out of a fishbowl into their life, and while it's fun to have a connection with awesome people like all of you... I wish I could share a cup of coffee with you too.

for being ranty and bitchy the last few weeks. I hope you're all still here. Have I been horribly unbearable?

The small black center strap between the cups of my favorite comfy push up bra snapped open today at work when I leaned back in my chair and stretched. >.

http://www.ats-nolimits.com


It's an ANGEL-spinoff/continuation into a full sixth season by a group of very talented and capable fan-writers, complete with episode promos, full-text episodes, lj icons, a livejournal, and more. I'm up to Episode 10, and I have many thoughts. I think it's pretty neat -- anyone have read or be interested in reading and chatting it up with me?

[19:58] BlackmoonMelody: heh. I feel like I should sell tickets:
[19:59] BlackmoonMelody: Bush v. Pelosi. Big Burly Brawl.
[19:59] Maltez Buffton: Fight to the Death!
[19:59] Maltez Buffton: Er.
[19:59] BlackmoonMelody: -- Of the American and Iraqi People!
[19:59] Maltez Buffton: lol! That's so true.
[20:00] BlackmoonMelody: Sooo.... pathetic.
[20:00] BlackmoonMelody: So, Mr President, why are we there?
[20:00] BlackmoonMelody: To stop Saddam from making WMD!
[20:00] BlackmoonMelody: (Uh, sir, there are no WMD)
[20:00] BlackmoonMelody: Oh. ... uhmm... to bring Freedom to the Iraqis and introduce democrati--!
[20:01] BlackmoonMelody: (Uh, sir, looks like they're turning into a bunch of radical theocratic lunatics.)
[20:01] BlackmoonMelody: Oh. Um.... to ... bring ... peace! To Iraq! Settle the conflicts! Sustain.... order.
[20:01] BlackmoonMelody: (...yeah. Civil War, boss.)
[20:02] BlackmoonMelody: ...to fight terrorists?
[20:02] BlackmoonMelody: (Sorry, Sir. Al-Qaida is avoiding Iraq like a death trap.)
[20:02] BlackmoonMelody: ...well... fuck.
[20:02] BlackmoonMelody: I dunno.
[20:02] BlackmoonMelody: We'll get back to you.
[20:04] Maltez Buffton: Don't forget.. "Stay the course!"
[20:04] BlackmoonMelody: lol.
[20:04] BlackmoonMelody: "well... fuck. I dunno. Stay the course. We'll send reinforcments so that.. y'know... we can stay the course. Get back to you in 2 years and one day."
[20:04] BlackmoonMelody: (Uh, sir, you wont be in office then.)
[20:04] BlackmoonMelody: "I know! That's the point! They'll never guess!)
[20:05] BlackmoonMelody: (...sir... your microphone is on. Again.)
[20:05] BlackmoonMelody: ...fuck.
[20:08] BlackmoonMelody: "Mr President... what ... exactly... IS the 'course?"
[20:08] BlackmoonMelody: "....."
[20:08] BlackmoonMelody: "....."
[20:08] BlackmoonMelody: ".... Look! Gay Marraige! RUN!"
[20:08] Maltez Buffton: lol!
[20:09] Maltez Buffton: I have no doubts Bush has changed that topic many times.

I hate being sick.

And it's more than the medical ickiness that comes with coughing and sore throats and running noses *shudders* I feel gross, by the way, thank you - there's also the problem with my emotions going all haywire when I'm sick. Sometimes I get growchy and prone to grumbling bursts of annoyance - Charlotte ran into one of those last night - and sometimes I feel... weirdly child-like and in need of some major comforting. (hold me, hug me, soup me up, something. I eat up the comfort like chicken soup.)

Anyway, I'm still sane, I promise. Just weirdly prone to emotional insanity when I'm sick. Forbear with me for a bit?


other note -- CONGRATULATIONS VYVIANE!! YAYAAAaYYYY!!!!

I just needed to reassert my complete and total fan-girlish adoration of Angel. (The character, specifically.)

That is all.

My sweetie got me a Christmas Tree for Christmas. hehehehe

I am involved (and have been for some years) in a roleplaying game off-site, not in livejournal. In that game, a number of the people there think I'm controlling, self-promoting, prone to god-moding, and unapproachable. I don't understand it. It sounds like sour grapes, but it makes me wonder. So from the people I rp with on livejournal - Katya, Mike, Rachel, Dani, Meredith, Kelly - do I come across as controlling, self-important, and/or unapproachable? (Like you can't talk to me about rp or be friendly?) I hope not, but if so, I'd like to know.

Book-related post this time:

Thanks to everyone who replied to my three Agent/Book/Hook posts last week. I'm dissapointed that I wasn't able to hook the Agent I queried, but I didn't know I was going to be able to try until a few days before the entry had to be in, and by her own estimates, a good hook should take 2 weeks or more to write and polish. That seems a bit extravagant to me, but maybe 2 weeks would have helped?

To everyone who told me not to, I'm not giving up. I was dissapointed, and I kinda feel like I blew a few days of my vacation on something I should have found out about a few weeks ago and worked on more carefully, but oh well. I'm learning all this Agent-Hooking-Stuff as I go. About as many people who found my hook TOO wordy were the people who found it JUST RIGHT or PERFECT. I could copy a few entries from the Agent's blog/site, but I dun wanna toot my own horn. The crux is that the hook that worked for some people didn't work on the agent. I'll retool it, finish the book and the revisions, and then try again. And Again. And again...

In the meantime, I'm debating about how much of the book-related stuff I should share on this blog. Part of me wants to be able to just ... talk about it, because I love talking about my work. It excites me, and when I'm excited, I just wanna ramble on. *blush* And on, and on, and on...

But at the same time, when the second draft is FINISHED and I am mostly happy with the wording/plot/character development, I will need people to read it for me... *grins slyly* At your own pace, of course, no rush. I probably wont be finished for several months, at this rate, even with me writing up a storm as I have been.


But that doesn't mean that I can't use feedback on things... like Characters. Plot points. Bits of Dialogue.

So, that leaves me wondering. Would you, my happy little blogite/livejournal friendslist readers... *heaps of praise and worship and ... worship*... be willing to listen to my ramblings and give me feed back sometimes?



:-D On seperate notes: My job continues in its trend lately of fixing (breaking) things that aren't broken to begin with. They 'upgraded' our old phones that had some problems into new phones that are problems. Now they've gone and blocked every e-mail site I can think of, so that we don't check our e-mail on the phone. BLEH. I can still use AIM and stuff, but that's frustrating as heck.

I... had more to say, but work distracted me and I forgot it all. :-/ Write more later, meebee?

A week after the Big Freeze of '06, my old heater, which broke down and would not turn on the night before the temperature dipped below 20 degrees... is working again.

*eyes it grumpily*

I went with this as the finished product:

In ‘Awakening,’ when a young academic in modern-day Boston is killed by dark sorcery, her death severs powerful binding spells borne by her bloodline for generations, awakening a dark power from ages past and releasing it upon the world. Professor Katherine ‘Kat’ Donelly, heiress to her family’s forgotten legacy, startles back to life inside her own grave, reanimated by the same power her death set free.

Transformed by her death and the dark magics that drive her on, preying on her mind and spirit, Kat struggles to reclaim her life and her place in the world. But with the city of Boston drowning in a rising tide of nightmares and horrors, Kat finds herself stumbling unwillingly into the role of its protector, learning to stand as Champion against the growing darkness, both that which is without and that which is within her very being.

Guided by the nightmare visions of her wife, Veronica, and counseled by Grey, an enigmatic and haunted warrior from the past who cannot die, Kat prepares herself to confront Thanatos, dark god of the dead. Death cults and the undead come forth from the world’s nightmares at his command, and a city holds its breath as its reluctant hero faces humanity’s oldest and darkest fear – that in the end, everyone meets Death alone.

Here goes...

I'm getting ready to submit a 250 word 'hook' for my novel to an Agent. I have 273 words right now. Obvious the text below has some grammatical problems and wording issues, but if you'd like to help me out some, I could really use some constructive criticism and a gut reaction to the question of 'Does this hook interest you enough in the novel to want to buy it and read it?' Don't hold back. Thanks - Becca

In ‘Awakening,’ Katherine 'Kat' Donelly, a happily wedded young academician in 21st century Boston, is slain by a cursed runeblade, and falls as a new initiate in an ages-old war between humanity and the powers of ancient evil. But when her killing at the hands of dark sorcery breaks the powerful enchantments carried by generations of her bloodline and arouses a dark power long banished from the world, she is returned to an existence of undeath by a demonic essence formerly imprisoned by her family’s ancestral enchantments, a darkness that fuels her with unholy power and transforms her into a mighty warrior for the human race.

Together with her wife, Veronica, an up-and-coming local artist who accidentally acquires the ability to sketch nightmare scenes from the future, and her allies (the beaten and tired warrior called Gray, who cannot die; Alan Graccio, a young Boston Police Detective who finds himself thrust into the front lines of a war against monsters; and Nancy Robertson, Kat’s best friend and the inheritor of a manuscript that may hold the answers to Katherine’s death and unlife.) Kat must confront a rising wave of monsters and terror that consumes the city of Boston in the wake of her return, while battling the growing darkness within herself. When Thanatos, dark god of the dead, arrives in the city, his coming triggers a wave of death cults and horrors that plunge Boston into chaos, and the string of dead friends and loved ones that he leaves for Katherine to find forces a final confrontation between the dark god and the mortal woman who has stolen much of his former powers.

Drink to death of dreams, old chaps, tip up the glass and drain out the bowl of hope.

10 fictional characters you would boff meme: (In no particular order)
Lois Lane
Jade/ Jenny-Lynn Hayden
Diana/ Wonder Woman
Faith
Kathy Kane/Batwoman
Mirax Terrick
Mara Jade
Angel
Tara
Willow

I tag... Rachel.

I'm selfish and greedy? How sad.

It's pretty bare, so far, huh?

I have a few nice ideas about a banner or header image and a sidebar in the background, we'll have to see what I decide to do with that.

If you're seeing this, then I added you to the journal as a friend. If you don't want to be here, that's okay, just let me know and I'll take you off. Most of you asked to be here, but I kidnapped Devon and Jill and Aisling. ;-)

I gotta make some journaling rules for myself, because I always wind up confused about what filters get to see what posts and blah blah blah. Most of my writing stuff will be public, unless I put up something I'm serious worried about people stealing, like a block of text. Most picture posts and text blocks will be LJ-cut, but if I post something too long for your friends list, let me know and I'll cut it.

La la la... Friends Only and Filtered Posts will mostly be about private 'me' stuff, feel free to comment or not as ye wish.